The boundary list
- Contact: which app, what hours, no calls to certain times.
- Frequency: realistic availability, not wishful thinking.
- Discretion: no social media tags, no mutual friends, no turning up at each other's workplaces.
- Exclusivity: are you both seeing other people?
- Feelings: how will you raise it if they change?
- Health: testing and protection, agreed up front.
How to say it
Direct and warm beats vague: "I really like this. To keep it fun, I'd like us to agree how we contact each other and what we're both after."
Revisit regularly
Boundaries aren't one-off. Check in every few weeks: "Still good for you?"
FAQs
When should we talk boundaries?
Before the first meeting, or very early on.
What if their boundaries are different from mine?
That's useful to know now, and it's fine to walk away.
Can boundaries change?
Yes, if you both agree.