The checklist
Answer each one honestly. "I'm not sure" counts as an answer.
Motives
- Do I know what I'm actually after: excitement, attention, sex, escape?
- Would something else (a conversation, a hobby, therapy) meet this need?
Consequences
- Could I live with my partner finding out?
- What would it do to my family, home, finances and reputation?
- Is there anyone else, children included, who'd be affected?
Practicalities
- Do I have privacy and time that doesn't involve lying constantly?
- Can I manage my phone, accounts and schedule discreetly?
Safety and health
- Am I committed to meeting safely, using protection and getting tested?
- Can I spot red flags and walk away?
Ending
- Do I know what I'd do if feelings got complicated?
- Can I end things kindly?
How to read your results
Mostly confident answers? You've thought it through. Lots of "I don't know"? Slow down. Plenty of people decide not to proceed, and that's a perfectly good outcome.
FAQs
How do I know if I'm ready?
If you can answer the checklist calmly and honestly, you've done your thinking.
Is it normal to feel guilty?
Very. Guilt is useful information.
What if I'm not sure?
Then wait. Nothing's lost by pausing.